{Disclaimer}

Any and all things stated in any review is the view of the reviewer and does not mean that anyone mentioned, or any race of people mentioned, or any religion mentioned actually reflects on the actuality of those mentioned.

These reviews are crude, having foul language, making fun of racial groups/religious groups.

If you are easily offended Fuck you and go away, I do not want your shit stink around this site, we are gamers/men/husbands we do not care what you think about what we say and how we say it for if you are reading this review only to find the "remarks" in it, then you serve us no purpose. Read the review and critique the game review.

~DarkSiders~

(This review is based on Apocalyptic difficulty / No Chaos Form)

If you want to view the reviewers GamerTag, it is Kestrel 19

The game opens with a cutscene of New York city full of traffic jams and people yelling at each other...hmmm sounds like a normal day to me. Then you see a newscaster talking on a gaint TV discussing meteor landings. Only to be guess WHAT!?!? you probably got it demon spawn from hell....I mean the sky?

This game was attempting to hook to player with what I would only guess as there AWESOME!!! opening sequence which it wasnt, the opening Apocalypse area was a HUGE let down and almost made me stop playing the game, but me having a rule when I play adventure games that I will decide to quit after the first boss, which for DarkSiders sake was 3-4 hours into it, and at that point I had discovered many many redeeming factors in it, which allowed me to continue playing.

After being blamed for the whole apocalypse, the COUNCIL decides that you need to be punished but instead, you insist on returning to Earth and seek out the one responsible and punish them, being as it was there are 9 seals that have been hidden in the realms of Angels, Demons and Mankind on the 9th seal breaking it would allow the forces of Heaven and Hell to pour onto Earth and having the Three Super powers duke it out, but as it is in this game mankind is not strong enough, and the apocalypse was the end of all mankind. And the 9th seal would allow the Four Horsemen to maintain balance in the conflict.

Your first step is to find a rouge demon named VULGRIM who in all shape of the word looks exactly like Kel'Thuzad from Warcraft, he aides you with a few items for money...I mean souls, after receiving the Ocarina of Time...I mean the Earthcaller, you can now awaken and move the gaint stone gates that block your path.

You come across the Prison of Samael, a demon that has the ability for you to access the Dark Tower, and to Straga, Straga being the one that whooped your ass on E-Day...I mean the Apoc, he requires that you get the hearts of the Chosen Few of the Destroyer, which leads you in the direction of the Twilight Cathedral.

Your adventure leading to the Twilight Cathedral, was a very interesting one that lead you through Jacinto...I mean downtown. Speaking about that I noticed that this game is very un-original it looked like they copy and pasted the game Gears of War and let you play through it with WAR, but anyway after some daring and awesome aerial combat and watching a gaint bat named Taimat eat the Gryphon you rode in on, you enter the first dungeon, and after solving some simple puzzles, and lobbing spikey plant bombs at a flying turd you ripped crack smash and slam your way to a heart which is the first of many on your path.

Tiamat : Having to rely on the enviroment for this encounter and Tiamat being easily dodged while in the air I had no problem what so ever dropping him into phase 2...It was there in phase two that if I thought I was doing good one spell would have me looking at the death screen and yelling at it for being stupid, took around 5-6 trys until I finally got this boss down and a heart in my oversized palm

Samael yells at you for taking so long and points you in the direction of the next chosen, which is in the Grand Central Station...hell I dunno where it is but it is in the subway. On your way there you come across Anvil's Ford, and the Black Hammer, Ulthane he is a gaint and hearty fellow that loves to fight, which is exactly what happens, your fighting Ulthane and the Angels are all like OMG we wanna play too, so you end up helping one another fight off all the nasty pigeons which through this adventure leads you to the subway entrance, and a 1v1 with a smoking angel named Uriel she had the hots for a angel that died on the Apoc and blames you for his death, so you smack her around some and she is drug away, like all woman that start shit like that end up.

After a hop jump and a skip down a Hole, through and under water river, you make it into the second dungeon, only thing that I remember from this dungeon is that there is water, and you drain it and there is more water, and there is stuff to kill and train cars to re-align, and finally a boss Griever, which had to be the funniest and easiest boss to fight in the entire game, this was the only boss I one shot on Apoc difficulty, smack him with a train, and press the X button alot end of boss fight, here is a heart now go away.

Griever : This was disapointing to fight, after that long dungeon and getting that super smashy glove it all turned out to be was throwing train cars at the boss and dodging some trippy disco lasers, meh I guess it all worked it even though I one shotted this boss it was extremely annoying b/c it took so damn long to break the chest piece open (refer to top of review).

Samael yelled at me again, he is so mean. Well Sammy told me to go to the Desert...I mean Ashland and kill the Stygian which just so happen to be a gigantic worm that could thrive in the sand...I mean human remains and by remains I mean their ash. Only problem is you can't really run around in the desert because you are like slow and stuff, but anyway Sammy teaches me how to manipulate time for short periods, which allows me to laugh poke my belly and giggle and out run gigantic worms...made sense to me anyway. This is the longest part of the game you literally walk the desert as a whole stopping the demons from drilling for water and skipping along merrily killing people with a flick of your wrist and take a shard launcher and having a gay ole time, which is true in fact you have a larger weapon that can launch shards of long metal into demons and after enough gather you can explode them...hmm sounds like a needler to me. HAHA cock joke, you arrive at an arena like venue and have to fight as such

After defeating an un-named Demon riding a black horse, you come to find out that the horse is infact RUIN, WAR's horse of the Apocalypse, while mounted on RUIN your melee attacks are extremely devastating, and now this allows you to fight on even footing with the Gaint Worms in the Ashlands. and this allows you to defeat the Stygian which was a simple task, Bang Bang swing swing, press B. Easy enough.

Stygian : This was another boss I expected to be really hard and drawn out but in fact it wasnt so bad, especially with Mercy (refer to Devil May Cry, lololol gay joke) being able to be used on horse back, it was pretty much bang bang and the Stygian would sob a little and hold his knee cap sucking his thumb and then you would get to whail on him, FYI dont dismount and use the chaos form if you're one of those tards that saves the forms or super weapons for a boss, being mounted on RUIN is so much more effective.

Riding on RUIN also allows the access of ancient horse demon gateways that the covenant of the horse have used for ages...anyway you go across and get molested by a bunch tiny spiders, but you flex your muscles really really hard and you break out of the cocoon, with weapons and all...not very bright are they but anyway welcome to the 3rd dungeon.

This place is bug center, so if you are like terrorfied of spiders do not play this game but anyway, you trump the fat spider with your grappling hook of Apoc terror...and you the hero of Hyrule...save Zelda...hmmm I think I am begining to see a pattern, so I smack around a fat spider that can teleport, like that is fair at all, and I piledrive him through four stories and impale him on the enviroment, and pluck clean his heart.

Silitha : This boss was by far the hardest, his timing was almost random and dificult to avoid (refer to the top of the review) after many swear words and threats against people that I really have no beef with I managed to keep a calm mind and managed to down this boss, this is what I expected from every boss especially on the hardest difficulty in the game.

So Sammy ate the last heart and yelled at me some more and told me I had done well and allowed me passage to the Dark Tower and Straga, which was a very very very long Dungeon I was bored to tears with how bad this was, the only part of this dungeon that was extremely fun was using the VOIDWALKER to make the portal between two floating points, but then I learned that they did this same puzzle 4 times in the dungeon and now the trick has lost its magic feel...but none the less I traversed it and finally met Straga in glorious battle...err glorious slaughter MUHAHAHA anyway I smack him around like yesterdays triple cunted hooker and the tower collapsed around me, well lucky for me I freed that slave man...angel Azreal earlier, eh? anyway he sent me to the garden of Eden

Straga : This encounter worked exactly like every single boss in every God of War game, I one shot Straga thinking that he was going to be extremely difficult to beat like Silitha, but this end up a dodge smack once and repeat fight, very unimpressed.

At this point in the game when WAR gets his mask to view the shadow realm, from Azreal in the garden of Eden, whenever he feels like and to me he should have been wearing this mask the entire game to be honest, and maybe just had it where the power was taken from it, kinda like Metroid in a way but they didnt and I think he looks much better with it.

Vague outlines of things that can be touched once you use the mask.

After leaving the garden of Eden, and having the mask the search is on to find the shards of the Armageddon blade, which are located sparatically around the entire game world, but it was fun to ride around on RUIN and collect all the pieces.

Talk to Azreal after having Ulthane re-forge the sword, to head to the last scene of the game the fight with the DESTROYER. Super climatic fight your on horse back with RUIN being chased by the DESTROYER, a dragon of all things, now this fight was extremely easy as was phase 2 and phase 3 of the fight

Fantastic game and I really do hope they release a part 2, and make it a co-op experience not like Marvel Alliance with that bird's eye view, maybe the same camera system as this game with the ability for your friends to play the other horsemen, a 4 player XBL game make it happen and dont disapoint please.

Reviewer Score : 9/10 

EpiCenter Networks Member

-Ruffy